Marriage Counselling For Single Men Who Are Searching

Marriage Counselling For Single  Men 

" Give not thy strength to women, now thy ways to that which destroyeth Kings " Proverbs 31:3

General Counselling For those who are preparing to marry and those already married.

1. Never marry a woman you can not control; you will never be happy in the marriage. 

, 2.Don't marry a woman because she has money, or because she comes from a rich family. This will not be true love and you as a man will be dependent on the woman or her family. This can deprive you of the blessings of God. 

3. Do not marry a woman out of pity, because she is an orphan, or sick or deformed or has no helper. You have to marry a woman you have fallen in love with, who is a wife material so you can love ,care ,and honour her, otherwise you will abuse and multreat her ,insult her and call her names. 

4. Never use too much money to win a woman you want to marry. This is very important because, you can fall into the wrong hands, by marrying a gold digger who only love your money and not you. She can either divorce you when things get tough or even kill you for your property and money. 

5.Do not marry a woman who doesn't want to have anything to do with your family members, but hates to see them around you. Such a woman will like to use you for her own advantage, so she sees your family members as a hindrance to that a gender. 

6. Never marry a woman, who is too much older than you; because when she grows older ,you will prefer a younger lady to her especially when by then you might feel very young. The best marriages that can last and withstand the test of time is when the man is older than the woman, eg .Abraham was older than Sarah his wife. 

7.If you want to marry a woman, try to approach her by yourself and personally propose to her ,don't use or send some one as a betweener to propose for you, because by approaching the lady yourself you will notice how humble she could be or how proud she could be. Besides the person you use to propose marriage, could be a future channel the enemy might use to attack your marriage. 

8.Do not propose to marry a lady the first time you met her, instead try to make friends, converse, or chat for a while with her. After some time you might know who she really is, then you can propose marriage to her .

9. Keep your relationship both spiritual and physical, spiritual means pray together, study the word of God together and if possible go to church fellowship together. 

Physical means, go out together to places of interest like malls, market, restaurants, amusement parks, excursions, visitations, programs etc. 

10. Don't use sex as a means of proofing that she loves you or that you love her. Having sex with someone you have not married is not a sign of love, it is fornication and it can lead to heart breaks, and open your relationship to satanic attack. Prostitutes have sex with people they don't love all the time, so sex is not a sign of love for the unmarried. 

11. Don't marry a woman you always quarrel and fight against. Although you fight and settle, yet it is not a sign of love, when especially you disagree in so many areas that breed strive between you and her .It is a sign you are not compatible with her, it could be a physical or spiritual reason. You have to marry a friend and not an enemy you always fight against. 

12.. Don't abuse or insult the woman you want to marry especially in public. And don't use her weakness to laugh at her or telling others about her weakness, because they will dissuade you from marrying her ,yet she could be a good wife notwithstanding her weakness. 

13. Do not marry a woman who wants to have a marriage ceremony more expensive than you could imagine or prefer. This is necessary because that is how she is going to treat the marriage as a whole, you will end up living above your means and become more frustrated in the marriage, because she can not settle down for anything less than how you started so big. 

15. Do not marry a woman who live an expensive life style than you can afford, when especially you are the one paying the cost of her expensive life style. Unless she is the one catering for such expenses .

16. Marry a woman who is ready to work and support your marriage in her own little way. This will ensure that you have a stable economy in your finances, because it is coming from both sides. So never stop the woman from working unless for maternity reasons beyond control, when child care becomes necessary. 

17.Do not marry a woman who dresses like a prostitute, because she might seduce other men to sleep with her or be unfaithful in marriage or else lead her to dress modestly the way you want it before you marry her. 

18.Do not assume full responsibility over a woman you have not married, like paying her school fees in full, renting an apartment for her, giving her capital for business. Because she might disappoint you and marry someone else after completing her school or after some time and you will feel more disappointed than ever. 

Instead if you have anything to do for her, use it to pay her bride price, then you can go ahead and take full responsibility over her. Many men have been disappointed and hurt because of this, you can however offer some help to her ,by giving her some gifts and money out of love.

19.Do not conclude that all women are bad ,because of your bad experience with the ladies, instead check your character, the way you handle them. 

20 . Never beat your spouse, you are not a man enough if you are used to beating your wife or your fiancee, instead you are a beast. 

21 . Never marry a woman who slaps you for one reason or another because she is angry, unless you wanted to rape her or force her to bed .

22.Do not expose your wealth, bank account balance, your properties ,family inheritance and everything you have to a lady you are still proposing to marry, because she might be a gold digger for all you know, and decides to marry you so she could take possession of your wealth. 

God Blessed The Marriage Couple

God Blessed Them 

" And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it : and have dominion over the fish of the sea , and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. " Genesis 1 : 28 

God blessed the marriage of Adam and Eve with the blessing of fruitfulness, multiplication and dominion. God said their union will bring fruits and that they will multiply and replenish the earth. Marriage is something that God holds in high esteem, because it is the first institution of God to the world. The union of the male and female is the work of God to bring growth and increase of human beings. 

The matrimonial home is assuredly blessed by God. The reason God will judge any one who stands against the marital institution. The word of God makes it clear that the marriage is highly honoured and blessed by God. " Marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled : but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. " Hebrews 13 : 4 It is important that we hold marriage in high esteem, like the way God Almighty honours the matrimonial bed. 

God said the bed is undefiled, that is because it is purified by the blessings of God. When the man has sexual intercourse with the wife, it is described as the bed of marriage and it is purified and sanctified. It is good to get married, so you can enjoy the blessings of God in your life. The reality is that marriage can open doors of blessings in your business, finances, career etc. 

In Proverbs 18 : 22 the Scriptures affirms " Whoso findeth a wife ,findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. " This means the married man has more of God's favour that brings blessings than the unmarried man in most instances .

Married people enjoy more benefits from God and people, than the unmarried people. In order to attract God's favour it is good to get married, in order to avoid fornication and all forms of immoral activities. If you want to see the real blessings of God upon your life, if you are not married then get married. 

Then you will see how God will bless you and your spouse. The blessings that takes care of you ,your spouse, your children and some relative in your family. 

The Bride And The Bridegroom

" yet ye say Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously : yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. " Malachi 2 :14

The bride is surely made ready for the man, as soon as a dowry has been paid on her head, from that time she became the bride. The woman is now a bride of the man because a bride price has been paid on her head. That is when the woman is publicly introduced to friends and relatives as the bride of the man. That is the time every other man who might be a friend or had interest in her ,has to concede to the fact that ,the woman is now a married woman. 

Having become the bride of another man, who has already paid the bride price. During such times the ex-lover or former boy friend must know and accept the fact that the woman is now the wife of some one else. The bridegroom is also used to show that this is the man that has paid the bride price on the woman making her his bride. That is when the man assumes authority as the head over the woman and at the same time taking responsibility of the bride. 

The bridegroom is now given the physical and  spiritual oversight over the bride. At this juncture the woman's family, parents and relatives relinquished all their responsibilities over her life and hand it over to the bridegroom as they give her hand in marriage to him. The man is therefore seen as the proud owner of the bride and for that matter is said to be the bridegroom. 

The woman has to now honour the bridegroom with all his conjugal right as a husband in her life, having paid the necessary bride price and all matrimonial protocols observed. 

One Man , One Wife

One Man, One Wife 

" A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife. .." 1 Timothy 3:2

It is well established fact that in the beginning God Almighty designed that marriage should be monogamous. So that each individual man should marry only one woman, likewise the woman should also marry one man at a time. That is why God created only one woman for the man to call his wife. 

Adam the first man to be marriage was a perfect example of marriage ,when he married one woman ; that is the wife God created for him. IF God wanted the idea of polygamous marriage, he would have created two or more women for Adam as wives. That is why we have to accept it that it is one man one wife that God created for the marriage plan.

This is the more reason why in the opening scripture we see the qualifications of a man of God is that he should be " the husband of one wife " . Because anything more is against the will of God for marriage. All God's prophet and anointed men of God in the bible had one wife, Isaiah had one wife, Ezekiel had one wife, and Joseph had one wife, Moses had one wife. Hosea had one wife, Peter had one wife, Zechariah had one wife. 

Jacob was the first to practically marry two wives, because it was not his intention to do so, he was a victim of Laban's trick to marry off his two daughters to one man. Jacob loved to marry Rachel, but by the time he served seven years to be used as a bride price, then Laban deceitfully married Leah to him without his knowledge and consent. 

So he could not love her, that is why he insisted on marrying Rachel his beloved wife, by serving additional seven years. ( Genesis 29:18-28) It is important that we should not follow the footsteps of those who did evil against God by marrying more than one wives. We need to accept the will of God in marriage, which is from the beginning, and it is one man, one wife . That is what makes one flesh ; " the two shall be one flesh " Matthew 19 :5

Those who prefer to marry more than one wives are not walking in the perfect will of God and it will spell doom for them at the end .There are so many complications in such polygamous marriages ; that is why it is important to enforce one man one wife principle marriage for all who want to enjoy marriage. 

Marital Responsibility

Marital Responsibility 

" Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence and likewise also the wife unto the husband. " 1 Corinthians 7 :3

Responsibilities in marriage could be enormous, yet it is very imperative to keep those responsibilities in mind and make sure that we are dutifully observing them .This is what keep marriages going, when individual parties ( wife or husband ) always discharge his or her marital obligation. It is the wheel that keeps that marriage going, just as a flat tyre can stop the movement of a vehicle, if responsibility in marriage is neglected and never observed, it could affect the marriage. 

The wife must know her duties in marriage and rightfully do it as a responsibility, just as the husband also must know his duties and discharge them well. The wife is responsible for the home keeping in some cultures like Africa, while the husband is also responsible for providing all the financial and material needs of the family. The wife is expected to cook the food, while the husband is to provide the house keeping money for any expenses. 

The wife is expected to take care of the children's welfare; including their feeding ,dressing, home lessons, washing their clothes, taking them to and fro school, putting them to sleep etc. The husband is expected to pay their school fees and other monetary demands. However, in some western and European cultures, both parties are equally responsible for every thing in the marriage depending on who is available for the task at a particular point in time. 

One of the foremost responsibilities in marriage is to make sure you satisfy your spouse in bed all the time. Never withhold sex from your spouse, it is your most important responsibility in marriage. 

God' s Purpose of Marriage

The purpose of marriage. 

"And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit . And Wherefore one ? that he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife his youth " Malachi 2:15

The purpose of marriage is so clear in the Scriptures . So we are going to explore it gradually in this chapter. 

Companionship 

First and foremost purpose of the marriage is to keep the man company with the presence of the woman. " ...But for Adam there was not found an help meet for him ." Genesis 2:20 So the woman was meant to be a companion and a helper to the man in marriage. 

This means marriage is meant to bring help for both parties ; the man needs help from the woman likewise the woman needs help from the man,.The two are suppose to help each other in areas of vision, profession, career, religious faith etc. In this way they both achieve their goals in life. The prophet Malachi explains it better " Yet ye say ,Wherefore ?Because the Lord hath been  witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously ; yet is she thy companion and the wife of thy covenant. " Malachi 2:14 

Marriage is meant to provide friendship for both the man and the woman to flow together in love, affection and love. That is why your wife or husband has to be your best friend. You cannot marry and still have somebody as a best friend either than your spouse. So many marriages are broken because there is no companionship and friendship. 

Union Of Families 

Another purpose of the marriage is to unite people and families. The first union that God enjoys is the one between the man and the woman. " And did not he make one? " as the opening scripture explains, the oneness is unity ,between the male and the female that goes along way to unite the families of the man and woman. " And said, for this caused shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife : and they twain shall be one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. " Matthew 19 : 5-6 

Procreation 

Another strong purpose for marriage is for procreation, that is to enable fruitfulness of the human generation. In the beginning " God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he them. And God blessed them, and said unto them, be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it : and have dominion over the fowl o the air ,and over every living thing that move the upon the earth. " Genesis 1:27-28

Godliness 

The last and foremost purpose of marriage is to promote and establish godliness, holiness and righteousness. That is why Pual said " to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. " 1 Corinthians 7 : 2 It is very important for every body who wants to please God, to make sure he or she chooses to get married instead of committing fornication, sleeping with men or women you are not married to .This can lead you to hell fire ,instead get married, because of your fleshly desires. 

The Male And Female Marriage

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Male And Female

"So God created man in his own image ,in the image of God created  he him ; male and female created he them ." Matthew 1: 27

Marriage is something made specifically for male  and female and nothing should change that .Today we live in a society where people feel like changing God's devine ordinance of marriage of the male and female . In some countries laws been enacted to endorse marriage of same-sex ; that is lesbian and homosexuals who marry . 

This is typically against the  word of God , " If a man also lie with man kind ,as he lie with a woman , both of them have committed an abomination : they shall surely be put to death ; their blood shall be upon them ." Leviticus 20:13 The fact is it is an abominable  thing for humans to marry  contrary to God's ordinance; which is  a union of the male and female .

In the light of scripture we need to accept the  standard of God for  the marriage . And one of the foremost standard of marriage is that it is the joining together of male and female .We need to know  that  God's judgment awiats all those male  and male or female  female marriages commonly know as gay marriage .

God made the male to function categorically as the man and the head in the marriage  who  decisively chooses and marries a female who is the woman  in the marriage .God's wisdom of marriage is already established in the word of God and it is the joining together of male and female .It is the only matrimony that is solomonize and blessed  in the word of God .

"And God blessed them ,and said unto them  ,be fruitful and multiply ,and replenish the earth ,and subdue it ..." Genesis 1:28 Male and female is what God blessed as marriage for fruitfulness and multiplication.

The Perfect Couple

Perfect Couple

" Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman ,neither the woman without the man ,in the Lord ." 1 Corinthians 11:11

The perfect couple is not a physical reality, but it is a spiritual reality. The reason is that  there is no such thing as perfect couple, but whenever you notice some perfection in a couple ,it means either both or one of them has been tolerating the mishaps or misconduct of the other or each other. 

One of them especially the woman might be very tolerant for you to think that they are very good couple, You hardly hear them quarrel, you always see them together doing things in common. At times you  could see that one party is openly defending the other although he had committed a trespass.

 

Perfect couples learn to settle their disputes by themselves instead of involving a third party. So you hardly hear their disputes, they put up smiles in front of outsiders, to cover up their differences. They can wear a uniform dress for all public occasions. They are considerate to each other's weakness and they don't speak out their spouse weakness to other people, instead they cover up for each other.

 

When the woman is truely submissive and allow the husband to be fully her head, there will be perfection. Also when the man truelly show love and affection to the wife there could be perfection ."Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence and likewise also the wife unto the husband. "1 Corinthians 7:3 It is the corporate behaviour of the two (male and female ) that makes a perfect couple.

Marriage Is The Most Honourable

The Most Honourable

" Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undelivered ; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge ." Hebrews 13:4

The opening scripture declares that marriage is the most honourable thing on earth .If there is any thing thought of as praise worthy ,it has to be marriage .God ordained marriage to be honoured above every other thing ,more so because it is the first institution of God in the life of the human being.

Any one who despises marriage despises the work of God .God wants every body to esteem marriage highly and respect the matrimonial bed so as not to abuse marital rights .The bed is unde Hospijfiled ,it is so pure and holy and extremely honoured by God .When dealing with marriage matters we need to respect and honour any decision that promotes marriage .

This means you have to honour your wife ,the woman you have married and respect her opinions above family members .In the same way you have to honour 

your husband above every one else and respect him most dearly as you submit and obey him in everything that he says .

" Likewise ,ye husbands ,dwell with them according to know knowledge ,giving honour unto the wife ,as unto the weaker vessel, and as being her together of the grace of life ;that your prayers be not hindered." 2 Peter 3:7 The husband has to honour the marriage ,and its vows and responsibilities toward the wife. Some divorce their wives when children are not forthcoming ; when the fruit of the womb is delayed .

The issue here is that God wants us to value the matrimonial family above our needs and wants .It is true that every marriage is meant for procreation ,but it is most important to honour the marriage first .That is what made Abraham to stick to Sarah for years although there was no child .We need to understand that " children are an inheritance of the Lord ,and the fruit of the womb is his reward ." psalm 127:3

It is God's responsibility to give children to the married couple ,but it is the responsibility of of the marriage partners to honour their marriage .There are also some who honour their job more than their marriage ;this means they could be busy with their job at the expense of their marriage .This means they don't fulfill their marital obligation because they are busy at work .It is good to work for a living ,but make sure ,you create time to honour your marriage ,by spending quality time with your wife and children .

You need a time table that has a place for your wife or husband ,no matter your profession ( pastor, doctor, nurse ,pilot ,businessman ,president, lawyer ,teacher ,seaman etc.) Some leave marriages to chance ,this means they don't create time purposely to honour and be with their spouse. They only come around their spouse when they have time.

Some are married ,but their extended family has their attention more than their wives ; they listen to their relatives more than to their spouse ,this means you don't honour your marriage; it is time to see your marriage as most honourable.

Types of Marriage Ceremony

Marriage Ceremony

"Who can find a virtuous woman ? for her price is far above rubbies ." Proverbs 31:10

Marriage is one thing and the marriage ceremony is also another thing altogether .Marriage is the actual life style of the couple living together as husband and wife who are one flesh .While ceremony is the initiation rites that is performed to introduce the two ( male and female) into solimonization of matrimony known as marriage .

This means without the ceremony is not yet a marriage ,it doesn't matter how much children you have .The marriage is where the families of the man and woman come together to agree that their daughter and son are being united as on flesh .Marriage is no marriage if the two families of both couple do not come together to initiate the union of their son and daughter.

The Bride Price

Usually the bride price is paid during the ceremony ;this is the token that the woman's family demands before letting out the daughter in marriage .The bride price also know as dowry is a demand by the family ,that must be met by the man's family ." If a man seduces a virgin not betrothed and lies with her ,he shall surely pay a dowry for her to become his wife." Exodus 22:16

In the aforementioned scripture ,we realized that marriage is not genuine until a dowry has been paid to family of the bride ." Ask me ever so much dowry and (marriage ) gift and I will give according to what you tell me ; only give me the girl to be my wife " Genesis 34:12 This is what Shechem ,the Prince told Jacob ,because he wanted to marry his daughter Dina .

In biblical days marriage ceremonies where held in family houses and not in the temple like our days .These marriage ceremonies where usually held in the woman's family house and it was also known as wedding .For instance Jesus attended a wedding at Cana of Galilee and it was not inside the synagogue (temple) " On the third day there was a wedding at Cana of Galilee ,and the mother of Jesus was there .Jesus also was invited with his disciples to the wedding " John 2:1-2

Examples of bride price items on display during marriage ceremony 

Blessing

Blessing is the Christian way of approaching the marriage ,where the couple are presented in church and are prayed for and also exchange vows before the people. Although this can also be done at the day the dowry is been paid ,provided there is a pastor present to pray for the couple and lead them to exchange the marital vows .

Blessing is done on purpose to dedicate the marriage to God .To ensure the blessings of God ,the protection and provision of God in the marriage.

Examples of marriage ceremonies 

White Wedding

White Wedding is the modern version ,it is properly known as wedding .It is embodied in the culture of the whites ,where rings are used as symbols of marriage and seal of vows made by couples. Nowadays ,people also use rings when paying dowry ,they present the rings as well, which is usually worn by the couple in the presence of  family members .

Wedding gowns are worn ,with veils to cover the bride , and the bridegroom is required to put on political suites of any colour ,but the wedding gown is usually white .Vehicles are decorated for the newly wedded couple ,and there are usually bride's maid ,and also a best man who follows the bridegroom ,flower girls and page boys accompany the couple .The white wedding is not scriptural ,it is only a fashionable type of marriage that people usually prefer  just to attract attention and for their personal convenience.

Examples of  white wedding 

                       Mass wedding 

                     Mass wedding 

 

Court Wedding

This is also another marriage ceremony ,that is usually officiated by court or registry officials ,who prepared marriage certificate for the couple to sign documents and their witness will sign along with them .This kind can be with only the two (male and female) present and court officials ,who sometimes act as witnesses ,but in some cases there may be friends or relatives to act as witnesses for the couple. In this type of marriage ceremony there are no requirements of bride price or family presence ( although in some cases ,there could be families), only the court will legalized their marriage.

However, the most recommended marriages depend on the particular cultures of the couple .At times their religion or Christian life also determines the type of ceremony they opt for.

Examples of Court  Wedding 

Wedding Reception 

This is where guests of the newly wedded  couple are entertained by the marriage couple. The guest usually are friends and relatives who are invited for tour witness this special union of  the male and female. They are served with food and drinks prepared by the family of one or both couple 

Examples of  Wedding Reception